Gimme SOMA That Biomech Lovin'

Oh lordy. This game, y'all.

So a friend of mine who knows I love me some survival horror recommended Soma to me a while back. And I was like, eh, perhaps indeed.  And then I tried it. And now I'm like...holy fuck.

***PROBABLY SPOILERS AHEAD IUNNO

WHAT AM I CLAIRVOYANT IDK FUCK***

Disclaimer:
I am six beers into a horror game that is tapping into every fear I have so...you know. This shit is happening.


First of all, a lovely warning, as with all amazing games:

Ya.
Mind it.

So Soma is a game which begins ever so innocently with a fellow in a shitty apartment in Toronto. He seems to have dain bramage, and his place is a fucking mess, mostly because I threw all of his shit around because YOU CAN GRAB EVERYTHING OKAY.

He goes to some shabby joint that looks like someone is either in the process of moving in or moving out hella fast.  There's a syringe on the floor because hep. And an overturned chair in the hallway because YOU CAN GRAB EVERYTHING OKAY.

Then you get in a freaky contraption and...

BOOM. You wake up in Rapture (I mean Upsilon), an underwater facility full of creepy apocalyptic notes and sentient machines. Angry sentient machines. Angry sentient machines that cross the boundaries between antagonistic, stolen, human consciousness and a mechanical, disconnected, strange fascination/empathy.

Do androids dream of electric sheep?

On one hand, machines seem hell bound to hunt you down. On the other, some keep human bodies alive at all costs, downloading their consciousness and memories to replay at your will.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Apparently, this biomechanical nightmare has something to do with everyone at Upsilon either fleeing or dying horribly:

He had a bad day, okay? Just leave him alone. Definitely don't walk over him to see if he squelches.

And has leeched out into the depths of the dark ocean, resulting in half tech fish and roaming crackhead (I mean structure-gel-head) bots:

"You're real. Give me some for the pain. WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME DO THIS?"
Side note: definitely do not walk right up to this bot and try to give it drugs.

So, without further ado, here are some more creepy screenshots until I can play some more and stream it:

Nothing creepier than boots littered everywhere without anyone to wear them.

Then, BOOM, you're underwater, breathing normally, because tbh you're probably a robot who doesn't want to admit he's no longer a human. I mean how else could you have survived this long, right? Totes robot. "How did I get a flashlight?" Because you're a robot, bitch, deal.

"It won't let me die. Nothing is allowed to die."

I gave that bitch some death. Bitches love death?

Yep.

Triggers in Horror Games

Three separate people have warned me not to play Outlast 2.

(Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh)

Y'all know Outlast is my favorite game franchise. I'm a Red Barrels fangirl. I follow their Twitter. I played their demo. I want all the things Outlast.

So when three people let me know that I would not be able to play Outlast 2 without being majorly triggered, well, that sucked.

But on the flipside, I don't ever want game designers to hold back.

Hit me with the gnarly, gritty, nasty guts and bits. The blood, the gore. The heartbreaking decisions that make me feel like an awful person. The jump scares, the shock, the rotting, pitted underbelly of humanity and horror.


Now, some people are under the impression that trigger warnings are a bad thing. That they are somehow enabling for the spoiled, weak generation that can't cope.

stfugtfo.

Trigger warnings exist so that folks who have, oh, I don't know, lived through a very real trauma, don't have to spend the next day or week in a dark place due to an unfortunate surprise.  If that person isn't you, don't worry your pretty little head about it.  Just listen to your fellow gamers.  Watch out for your peeps.  Give 'em a heads up and offer to take over the controller for a bit.  Have their back.  They'll have yours, should you ever need it.


It would be RAD if there was a collectively used, dedicated space for gamers to alert each other to the triggers in various games, since they're not all blatantly obvious.  Maybe there is, and I just don't know about it.  But in the meantime, I'll stick to relying on alerts from my amigos while I get my survival horror on.

               Is it gonna stop me?

Hell to the naw.

But if it stops you, know that you aren't the only one, and I gotchu.

Why You Absolutely Should Preorder Fallout 4 (If You Want To)

Insert obligatory apology for neglecting the blog.

I have an excuse.

I made this:

It's damn adorable.

Anyways.


I was searching around the web to find the various places one could preorder a game if one was so inclined.  A game such as, oh, say, Fallout 4.

In my search, I came across this article by Forbes "explaining" how preordering was bad for the video game industry.  I have a rebuttal that, for once, was too long to be a Facebook status and finally warranted the typing of a blog post.  Oh yes.


Instead of addressing the status quo of releasing games before they are ready, or any valid concern, which is where I thought it was going - the article centers on the idea that preordering benefits only retailers, hurting both game companies and players.  Erm.  I would disagree.  Obvs.

Where the article comments on preordering leading to mindless purchases based on hype instead of quality, I would point out two things.  First, a lot of us gamers check out games well in advance - we are on YouTube, watching what gameplay tidbits get dropped ahead of time.  We are reading reviews.  We are deciding if this gets our $60 or if something else does.  Because this is real to us.  Because we aren't mindlessly purchasing the next big thing - we are conscientiously purchasing our next few weeks of entertainment.

Second, and this is my big point - BETHESDA HAS EARNED THIS.

It's Fallout 4.

It's the fifth game in its series.

Bethesda has built a steady and strong reputation on which we stake a not-so-naive assumption that this game will thoroughly ROCK OUR SOCKS.

So, not terribly unlike a Kickstarter campaign, we sign up in advance.  We show Bethesda - we have faith in you.  We have faith in Fallout.  Moar gas masks, pls.


The author of the linked article also feels that preordering as a practice discourages valid modes of competition and leaves us picking only based on our favorite perks, favorite retailers, and favorite systems.

Mmkay, but that's...that's a good thing.

Because the price?  The price is not going down for a LONG time.  Over the years, and I don't have a source for this so somebody let me know if I'm wrong, video game prices (as well as their consoles) have stayed at their initial costs for longer and longer before dropping, especially for popular games.  And I guess I don't know what cut Bethesda gets, but I feel like it's not hurting them, either (at least, not if we are assuming rampant preorders, which is the core assumption here).

So if you rule out competitive pricing, and you're picking your store based on how dick or not-dick they are to their employees, how gracious they are with their customer service and, by extension, their release parties/bonuses/ease of preordering, and your love or dislike for them as a retailer...

I'm sorry, but I call that real competition.

"But now we have to be NICE, too?"  Whines the big box store down the road, while the little game exchange shop cackles maniacally.  Because it's no longer about who can cut costs while maintaining profits.  Gamers win, because they have options.  The playing field has been leveled in one respect.  And that's not hurting Bethesda.


The author notes, very briefly, that quality control is questionable at some major game publishers.  I would like them to expand upon this, because I feel that might be where their real ass-bug has taken root.

But as far as Fallout 4 - if you want to play it, preorder your little hearts out.

Watch Me Play The Evil Within!

Warning...

I kinda suck at it.  But I'm getting better, I swear.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

The Evil Within Picture Post

LET.  THE SCREENCAPS.  BEGIN!!!!!

(No spoilers, because this was pretty much all in the trailer)

(Did we just walk into Outlast?)

(Or...Saw?)

(City's fucked.)

 (Y'ALL are fucked)

 (Errybody fucked)

(Who dat) 

 (weeeoooweeeoooweeeoooweeeooo)

 (Seriously I'd just move)

(Wait are there zombies in this game) 

 (Guys there might be zombies in this game)

(GUYS THERE ARE TOTALLY ZOMBIES IN THIS GAME)

The Evil Within Twitch Troubles and Other Things

Sup bitches?

It's been a REALLY long time since I could sit down and game.  Like an obscenely long time.  Last I remember, I was playing Remember Me, and Burial at Sea, and then...all of a sudden... it all went dark.  I must have disappeared for weeks, months?  All I know is here I am, with a copy of The Evil Within in my hands, and I can feel life breathing back into me.

No, but really, I've been super busy.

A lot has happened that I'm not going to bore folks with, but I've been in a big cloudy haze of stress.  Last night my friend popped over to get some help with her jewelry, and instead of helping me pack, she came bearing gifts of Chinese take out and an insistence that we play my new game.  She'd been watching it on Youtube and she was dying to see me play it.

So we did.

And it.

Was.

AWESOME.

I only got about a half hour in before screaming baby, husband going off to work, and mind-wrecking anxiety kicked in, but I DID IT.  And I'm going to play it more TONIGHT!  :D

(My "let's do this" face.)

I did get several more screenshots to share with y'all, which I will post up here just as soon as I get 'em off the PS4.  Which is currently taking half an hour to transfer two videos to USB storage.

Which brings me to my next point...

Phone internet fucking sucks.

For the next 2-3 weeks I still live out in the boonies, which means I have no internet.  "BUT SATELLITE INTERNET" scream the masses.  Nope.  Did you know satellite internet providers sometimes limit the number of users per area they will provide to?  Totes true.  Did you know they also go by stupid-long contracts that are useless if you're about to move in a few weeks?  Also true, I swear.  Did you know their speeds also blow chunks?  I'm not lying, y'all.

Anyways, I've been using tethered internet from my phone when I absolutely need it.  It's great up until 5gb, but has a tendency to clip out a lot thanks to, you know, being out in the middle of nowhere.  So it works for streaming TV if you pause it a bunch to buffer.  But it does not work so well for streaming uploads like Twitch.

So I haven't been too Twitchy lately.

But I will be.

Because the new house is IN town and has BADASS internet options that will let me chop my phone bill in half and just use wifi 24/7.

I'm so psyched.

(My "need internet now" face.)

So for now I'm recording my gameplay and I'll upload as I can to Youtube for folks to watch me fumble around in Evil Land.  When I get further into the game, I'll also, talk about it, or something, too.

Much with the talking.

K, bye.




HOLY CRAP I NEVER TALKED ABOUT WHISTLEBLOWER?!?!?!  OKAY REMIND ME LATER.  I HAVE SUCH THINGS TO SAY.
SUCH THINGS TO SHARE.
SUCH.
THINGS.

The In-Between Time

Okay, yes, I COULD play the other two bits of Bioshock Infinite DLC that are just waiting for me, but I don't wanna.  Why?  Because Outlast: Whistleblower comes out in just a few days and I'll only have nine days to play it before I whoosh away out of town, so I don't really wanna delve into the heartwrenching cerebral fornication that is Bioshock right beforehand.

It's the in-between time.

The palate-cleansing that is dabbling in Mercenary Kings (stupidly, inexplicably addictive, also boob-jiggle) helps.  Also there was the little add-on level Bank Heist for Thief, which kind of wasn't worth the money, but hey, extra gameplay!  And...boob...jiggle?

Nope.

No batmanboobjiggle.

But there WAS this:

That's right, bitches.
Every.  Single.  GODDAMN.  ASH.  FUCKING.  TRAY.

YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Oh, and while we're talking about Thief, here, have a floating pipe (because I am an EXPERT at breaking this game and all other technology):

You found a PIPE!

Hey by the way.  PS4 dropped some mad share updates to the system pretty recently, so there's that to tinker with, too.  And tinker I did.  Not only can you save things to a USB now, which is a HUGE improvement since Facebook and Twitter are not, in fact, the only social platforms out there, you can now archive streaming sessions, tweak the amount of time the PS4 records gameplay automatically, edit/add commentary/splice videos in SHAREfactory, and adjust a host of other settings system-wide.

Check out a summary of the updates on the Playstation blog here, and the specific details of version 1.70 can be found right here.

So, of course, I made this:

I like it.

I like it a lot.

This shall provide me with entertainment while I await my beloved Whistleblower.



Last but not least, remember how I said I was getting some aftermarket grips to compensate for Peely McPeelerson the Controller?  I did, and they rule.  (I know the left one looks like it isn't sitting straight, but it settled down after playing. I didn't remove the torn up rubber from the Dualshock before popping it on there.)

O'Plaza grips, bought through Amazon here

I'm ready for you, Whistleblower.  I'm done in-betweening.  I'm ready for a commitment.  Let's do this.  Let's run away together.

TAKE ME.

TAKE ME NOW.

Adventures in Camera Phones and Zappy Guns

ELIZABETH.  STOP.  TRAPPING.  ME.  IN.  CORNERS.  BEHIND.  TURRETS.

Seriously, I forgot how fucking annoying it is to have someone following you around.  Listen, bitch, YOU may be invisible to turrets and immune to gunfire, but I am a mere mortal, and I do not like being cornered with enemies present.

*sigh*

In other news:

I learned how to take cell phone pictures of my TV!
Because who needs screen capture?
Not THIS BITCH!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

It was a long few minutes, really, trying to figure out how to not take a poopy cell phone picture of the screen.  For instance, there was this really cool anglerfish, and being the bio-nerd that I am, I got a great picture of it:

 But not before getting THIS PICTURE OF IT:

WHAT THE FUCK.

So anyways.  I am really, really happy to discover that the DLC lets you have multiple gun types again, instead of just swapping between whatever two you happen to prefer/ammo is available for/you most recently picked up off a dead guy.  Except for the fact that I keep throwing plasmid blasts every time I jump (thanks, Thief), I really like having a turn wheel for each weapon.  I missed that, you know?  Good stuff.  And while we're talking about weapons, can I just say that I LOVE this guy:

You been zapped, boyo.

And after you zap them they turn into a BLOODY MIST!!!  I love it!
I haven't been this happy since I got the Bloody Mess perk in Fallout 3!

And one last thing to say for now, but not least...

Never open safes.

They are just never worth the fucking lockpicks, and they never have been.

You did not seriously just lock up your GIN AND FLASK in a super-tough-to-open safe.  You, my dear Splicer, have a fucking drinking problem,

and I hate you.

Dualshock 4 Controller

I was unaware that the rubber on Dualshock analog sticks is basically doomed.  But it is.

Our left analog stick looks like this:

So yeah, that happened.

We are looking at trying aftermarket grips to see if that helps.  Sony...what are you doing.  Seriously.  I gave you so much money.  You can't give me a controller that doesn't fall apart right off the bat?

Starting Up Bioshock Infinite DLC: Burial At Sea Ep.1

(If you haven't played the first three Bioshock games [1, 2, and Infinite], THIS WILL INCLUDE SPOILERS...maybe)

I just went out of town this week (tue-thur) for a workshop for my job, so unfortunately, when my husband informed me he was downloading DLC for Bioshock Infinite AS WE SPOKE back on Monday, I was suddenly overwhelmed with a desire to BASH HIM OVER THE HEAD BECAUSE HE WAS GOING TO GET TO PLAY IT BEFORE ME.

That cannot be allowed.

Fortunately, he was also stuck watching the baby fulltime while I was gone and going to work to boot, so I am, in fact, getting to play it first.

Things have a way of working out, you know?



So I'm just starting to sink my teeth into the first part he downloaded - Burial at Sea, Episode 1.  For the sake of brevity, let's call it BASE1.  Alphabet soup, and whatnot.

I find it a little unnerving that I have no idea going into it how long it is, what exactly the situation is with Booker, why Elizabeth is playing out the classic, sexy-smoking-lady-walks-into-a-private-investigator's-office-and-leads-him-on-a-mysterious-mission scenario...

Photo from here

I mean, I'm going into this with NO heads up on what the story or gameplay will be like, except that it takes place in Rapture.  Don't know why Booker is there.  Don't know why an Elizabeth is leading him on a quest to find someone that is and isn't his daughter.  Don't know how long this chapter will be, or which game's mechanics it will pull from.

It's exciting and wonderful and nerve-wracking.

I got as far as meandering my way (I always go non-plot first) toward the ice plasmid before my 360 froze, though, so unfortunately I haven't made it too far in.  Already I am loving seeing Sander Cohen in his "prime" (yep, still crazay), and the interesting merging of BS1 and BSI features (skyhooks, "constants and variables," splicers, voice boxes, etc.).  I don't know what timeline we are in, but it doesn't feel terribly forced that Rapture is not quite how we remember it because of that premise.


The one thing I am really, really getting annoyed with, especially because my 360 is a big fan of freezing, is the inability to manually save.  On one hand, you've got me marathon playing it whenever possible because if I close it I have to COMPLETELY research the entire area.  I mean, did I find that lockpick before, or after the autosave?  How many corners had coins sitting in them that I had already collected, that are now waiting for me again?  How many turrets did I circumvent to get gear that now I have to go back and do again?

Besides, babies mean setting down the game, a LOT.  It means I need to be able to play fifteen minutes, save, and shut off the game so it doesn't just sit there cooking while I try to get little boy back to bed.I need to be able to save, homies.


Anyhoo, because this is on the 360, I do not have a way to record or screenshot for you guys, or I would.  I am still messing around on Thief, though, at least until the Outlast DLC releases, so bear with me.

Later!

Thief Monetary System (Also Hello!)

Hi, and welcome to 3:33!  If you don't get the reference, you need to stop what you are doing and go play Eternal Darkness.  Go on.  I'll wait.

Now that that's outta the way, let's get started!



For once, I am actually really happy with the money system in a game.

I've been playing Thief (PS4), and where some games you end up with way too much gold to bother with or are constantly farming for it just to get basic supplies... Thief seems to have struck a great balance in my opinion.  Yes, you can replay chapters for gold if you come up short, but you can always afford the necessities.  There are also REALLY cool upgrades that you have to prioritize your spending for, because you probably aren't going to be able to afford everything unless you are seriously putting WAY too many hours into listening about Polly Adler's fancy perfume.

That fucking perfume.

Anyways, I've been pretty thrilled about the spending system.  The one thing I wish could be changed is the fact that you can only get the wrench and the wire cutters from one vendor (Or maybe two?  The same vendor, in two places? Who can tell).  So should you elect to spend your money on rope arrows and not a wrench at the start of the game, then find yourself on the other goddamn side of the map and needing to get into a vent, well, you're boned.

Go listen about Polly Adler some more, because you have an awfully long trek back to the Crippled Burrick or Siren's Rest.